Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad by Damilare Kuku

Author:Damilare Kuku
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Swift Press

You were twenty-eight the last time he made you cry.

You remember the day. That afternoon, Vera stopped by to see you at the Jakande branch of your supermarket. You’d grown what used to be your mother’s small corner supermarket to a chain of seven mega supermarkets dotted all over Lagos. As always with Vera, she steered your conversations to men as you sat in your office while you watched the shop floor on your desktop monitor which showed all the supermarket’s CCTV cameras in real time. “I never imagined marriage would change Idris for the better. You’re lucky, Ivie.”

You corrected her quietly. “He changed before I married him.”

That was as much gloating you’d do. Vera smiled, shamefacedly.

She’d never forgiven him for the beating you received at ‘11:55’. So, when you took him back after he’d begged you publicly for months, she said you were making a mistake. She wasn’t impressed when he put up your picture as his DP on all his social media accounts and told you all his passwords. There were no more side-chicks or one-night stands and he cut out the heavy drinking and clubbing as he’d promised—but her explanation was, he was too broke to indulge in his vices.

You disagreed. To you, Idris had matured. He became open. Admitted his previous infidelities were driven by a mix of insecurity, pride, and immaturity. Talked about personal responsibility and growth. Dreamt of the future, with you. His honest introspection was refreshing. You grew so close, you became inseparable. For the first time in your relationship, you felt like your man’s heart finally belonged to you.

You tested him. He proposed immediately you finished NYSC, but you made him wait. He was at his most loving for the two years he waited for you to say yes. You’d now been married for four years. And he’d ramped up the romance—daily calls at work, regular lunch dates during work, flowers and gifts, occasional weekend baecations at hotels. Yes, he stayed out late most nights but it was because he was working hard as a founder of three tech start-ups. Your man was yours and yours alone. Finally. No one could take him away. Vera was wrong. Your mother was wrong. You wish you could tell your mother that men value what you give them, that you’d never loved Idris as much as you did now. You wish she’d lived to see you happy with Idris, to see your life on the up. You missed your mother. It had been a year since she died from complications from her diabetes.

Vera brought you back from reminiscing about your mother. “You’re inspiring me to get married o.”

“Has anyone proposed?”

“Not yet.”

“Ah. Okay. Have you shortlisted your boyfriends?”

She chuckled. “Soon.”

Later that night, you woke with a start in the dark. Immediately, you knew you had to go to the hospital. You reached across the bed but didn’t feel Idris. You turned on the bedside lamp. He wasn’t in the room. You got off the bed gingerly and walked to the adjoining bathroom but he wasn’t there.

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